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Saturday, August 15th, 2009
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Monday, November 5th, 2007
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| Subject: | Us |
| Time: | 8:07 pm. |
| Mood: | calm. | | Music: | Radiohead-All I Need. |
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Someone loves you somewhere and the light is fading--it's fading faster than you know. We're all going to explode like dying stars.
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Comments: Add Your Own.
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Sunday, October 21st, 2007
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Times are hard and times are strange. Can't seem to find a place to call my own. Everywhere I go I feel I don't belong, and I keep going through the motions like the trained robot I am. My nerves are shot and my shoulders are sore. I just want to sit in the sun and stay there until dusk. You want to know where I go, not far baby, it's all in my mind. A car drives by that has something wrong with the muffler. I want to scream but no words come out. Everyone downtown is dying on the inside. No one smiles. No one laughs— inanimate zombies in a trance. I stand under trees in hopes to be enlightened. People talk and I don't want to listen. It's hard to fake like I care. When the leaves begin to fall, I get sad on the inside. Something about life surging through the veins of leaves that makes me feel like we're all dying. When the leaves fall, I cry—beautiful, weightless, falling to the earth. When the wind blows, I feel it shake the trees to the core. I would like to think the wind shakes the trees to remind them that they will breathe new life when winter dies, "You can renew yourself in the spring, old chap." "Silly me," a tree says. I remember walking home from class in college (that sounds weird to say) and thinking how I loved the fact that Charleston had trees that told stories. The air has a bite to it that makes you see things clearly...makes you understand why we are here...why we are alive. What happens to your soul when you go? I want to think it lives on forever in the people you have met in your lifetime. I want to believe that things stay connected, interlocked and linked as one. I miss everyone all the time. Even people I rarely talk to. If you have met me once, I already miss you. I want to sign all my letters and cards "With all my love" because I really mean it. When Langston Hughes asked, “What happens to a dream deferred?” I want to tell him that dreams explode they don’t dry up. Sometimes the heart gets too heavy with life that it bursts with regret. I want to lie and say I never regret but I’m filled with regret. Teach the children of tomorrow not to lose sight of hope. Maybe if they believe it at a young age they will believe it forever. Who am I kidding? I hate stepping on city grates on city sidewalks. I always feel like I’m going to fall through. Someday you will too. You’ll learn to be paranoid just like me. Wrap me up in down comforters and pet my head. Tell me things will be all right in the end. Tell me to embrace. Tell me…tell me…tell me over and over again. Tell me…
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Comments: Add Your Own.
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Saturday, September 8th, 2007
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Reading and exposing yourself to different types of writing styles. Constantly, keep reading whether it's a magazine or book. See what's out there--expose yourself to everything.
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Comments: Add Your Own.
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Wednesday, July 4th, 2007
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Something like the way birds sing in the morning, and when the sun rises up slowly into the sky. The way the light touches everything like the way my grandmother used to touch my hand. The faintest touch rejuvenated me, and I felt that deep down everything was going to be okay. The sun rejuvenates the earth each and every day. Plants and grass glisten with the dew, and for a second I can feel calmness all around me. I feel good to be alive, and I am thankful to be walking and breathing. I miss watching sunrises more than you know.
I miss you.
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Comments: Add Your Own.
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Tuesday, April 24th, 2007
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Tuesday, January 23rd, 2007
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Sunday, January 21st, 2007
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Bears are going to the Superbowl!
My city is wild tonight.
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Comments: Read 2 or Add Your Own.
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Wednesday, December 20th, 2006
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Everyone's afraid of their own life If you could be anything you want I bet you'd be disappointed, am I right? No one really knows the ones they love If you knew everything they thought I bet that you'd wish that they'd just shut up Well, you were the dull sound of sharp math When you were alive No ones gonna play the harp when you die And if I had a nickel for every damn dime I'd have half the time, do you mind? Everyone's afraid of their own lives If you could be anything you want I bet you'd be disappointed, am I right? Am I right? And it's our lives It's hard to remember, it's hard to remember We're alive for the first time It's hard to remember were alive for the last time It's hard to remember, it's hard to remember To live before you die It's hard to remember, it's hard to remember That our lives are such a short time It's hard to remember, it's hard to remember When it takes such a long time It's hard to remember, it's hard to remember? My mom's God is a woman and my mom she is a witch I like this My hell comes from inside, comes from inside myself Why fight this Everyone's afraid of their own lives If you could be anything you want I bet you'd be disappointed, am I right?
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Comments: Add Your Own.
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Sunday, November 26th, 2006
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| Subject: | 9:34 |
| Time: | 9:32 am. |
| Mood: | loved. | | Music: | Bloc Party-So Here We Are. |
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love is the voice under all silences, the hope which has no opposite in fear; the strength so strong mere force is feebleness; the truth more first than sun more last than star -e.e. cummings
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Comments: Add Your Own.
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I keep hearing a voice inside of my head that says, "Time of your life kid," and some amazing instrumental music is playing softly.
And I imagine for a second that I can't come down. That it could be like this forever, but I wonder how long it all lasts, really.
A memory can last forever as long as you remember it. Where does it go when you forget? Is it placed with dreams and summer nights? For every lightning bug that glows, a memory returned?
Fourth of July is probably my favorite holiday. I always say Christmas is, but to be honest here, I dislike the whole gift giving thing--the look on people's faces or the look on mine.
Fourth of July is not phony. Things blow up and shine and die out as soon as they are lit. Our country's birthday is celebrated by bright lights and shiny faces. There's something romantic about the eerie glow of fireworks, the arrangement of beauty in the sky, and the explosion of excitement that make me feel WHOLE.
Does that make sense?
I still have that childlike wonder when I look at fireworks. I still look with the same eyes. I still smile. I still remember.
Happy 4th guys and gals.
Don't forget to remember.
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Comments: Add Your Own.
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Friday, January 13th, 2006
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Monday, August 29th, 2005
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Alive. Exhausted. Wash. Rinse. Repeat. Oddly happy right now. Xerox machines are evil.
I am in love with Imogen Heap's song, "Hide and Seek." Repeat. Repeat. Repeat.
I drove home and put on my sunglasses. The sun was coming down, and with that so were the people. Small city traffic makes me laugh like a clever person with a grin who saw something no one else did. I caught the end of Mall Rats and laughed. For the first time, in a long time, I wasn't worried about the future. I was truly happy and it wasn't brought on by alcohol or a boy or any other thing. I was just...happy to be alive, breathing, smiling...being.
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Comments: Read 8 or Add Your Own.
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Saturday, August 6th, 2005
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Tonight, I bled (my face is actually bleeding). I died tonight.
The police came (three squad cars to be exact), one of the neighbors called, but all I've said was everything I've ever said before, "Truth."
I guess it separates friends. I guess it breaks people apart.
I cried for you. I hope you know that much. I hope you find what you're looking for. I really do.
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Comments: Read 6 or Add Your Own.
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Wednesday, July 13th, 2005
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And although the situation in this particular song has nothing to do with what my problem is, it spoke to me regardless. I swear to you music is the only thing that makes sense to me sometimes.
Fucking Taking Back Sunday's Number Five with a Bullet is what did it for me today. And I know there's a lot of people who probably can't stand them, but hey, I don't need to justify what I like.
I'm sick...I have some kind of cold that has knocked me on my ass. It hurts to breathe. It hurts to do anything. I have been doped up on medication, these little boxes that claim they have the cure inside, but probably do more harm than good. I try to stick it out and take them when I need to function. I have strange dreams about people I haven't thought about in years. I wake up and I stare at the fan on the ceiling.
Alex called me to ask for a favor. She didn't mention the voice message I sent her about Saturday night. Fuck, why should she? Right? We're not good friends anymore, but please explain to me why I even bother trying? I must be one huge sucker:
"Sarah, can you go to my dad's house to let Chevy out?"
Chevy is her million year old boxer whose bladder probably fell out 2 hours ago, while Alex was at work. I am almost certain this dog will croak any second.
I told myself I was going to do this for Chevy and not for Alex. My heart bleeds for animals, let alone old ones who hobble along.
Alex's dad lives in Chicago, and it would take me about 15 minutes to get there. It's really not a big deal, but it is a big deal because the more and more I get older, the more and more I hate Alex.
Now, any normal person would ask how I have the key to her dad's house. Good question, but you see, Alex's family are a bunch of wankers, and their back door is kept unlocked daily.
Yes! In Chicago!
I consider it possibly to be one of the dumbest things I have ever heard.
As soon as I get there, Chevy stares at me and runs out the door. He does his business and comes back sniffing and grunting and crying.
I give him a dog biscuit and play with him for awhile. Chevy remembers me, at least I think he does, we rarely see each other anymore.
I open up their fridge and take a Diet Pepsi because I figured I deserved it. I really wanted to take a bat to their 50 inch television screen, liquor bottles, crystal picture frames, and then go find Alex's room downstairs and fuck it up too but I didn't.
I petted Chevy and gave him another treat, told him to be a good boy, and I was off on my merry way...
that's when Taking Back Sunday came into play,
Number Five with a Bullet.
At 63rd street I started crying and continued to do so until 65th and Harlem. At 65th and Harlem, I screamed on top of my lungs. It was so powerful I scared myself. I wondered how something that tremendous came out of me.
I'm tired of people, and I'm even more tired that I let them do this to me.
I felt better for awhile but got stuck in traffic and gave up.
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Comments: Read 22 or Add Your Own.
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| Time: | 2:37 pm. |
| Mood: | tired. |
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I am The Hierophant
The Hierophant often represents learning with experts or knowledgeable teachers. This card also stands for institutions and their values. The Hierophant is a symbol of the need to conform to rules or fixed situations. His appearance in a reading can show that you are struggling with a force that is not innovative, free-spirited or individual. Groups can be enriching or stifling, depending on circumstances. Sometimes we need to follow a program or embrace tradition, other times, we need to trust ourselves. For a full description of your card and other goodies, please visit LearnTarot.com
| What tarot card are you? Enter your birthdate.
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Mmmm...a little too fitting!
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Comments: Read 1 or Add Your Own.
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Wednesday, May 18th, 2005
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Your hourglass shape in the light half covered in cloth the rest untouched thinking I don't feel like being a sentimentalist today and whispering wake up, wake up the rain is slowing touching a hand to a head the static of the radio humming someone humming something pretty off where the antenna just can't reach.
This song is amazing. I played it over and over and over...
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Comments: Read 7 or Add Your Own.
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I got my hair cut today, and it's really short and I don't like it. I look like a mushroom.
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Comments: Read 2 or Add Your Own.
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Wednesday, April 20th, 2005
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QUESTION OF THE DAY:
Why do painters wear all white?
They're just going to get paint on them, and their hats, shirts, pants, and shoes are usually white.
Maybe they want to end up looking like Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dream Coat?
Your thoughts, comments, and feelings are welcomed.
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Comments: Read 12 or Add Your Own.
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