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Jan. 21st, 2007

Chicago Bears

Bears are going to the Superbowl!

My city is wild tonight.

Dec. 20th, 2006

Modest Mouse

Everyone's afraid of their own life
If you could be anything you want
I bet you'd be disappointed, am I right?
No one really knows the ones they love
If you knew everything they thought
I bet that you'd wish that they'd just shut up
Well, you were the dull sound of sharp math
When you were alive
No ones gonna play the harp when you die
And if I had a nickel for every damn dime
I'd have half the time, do you mind?
Everyone's afraid of their own lives
If you could be anything you want
I bet you'd be disappointed, am I right?
Am I right?
And it's our lives
It's hard to remember, it's hard to remember
We're alive for the first time
It's hard to remember were alive for the last time
It's hard to remember, it's hard to remember
To live before you die
It's hard to remember, it's hard to remember
That our lives are such a short time
It's hard to remember, it's hard to remember
When it takes such a long time
It's hard to remember, it's hard to remember?
My mom's God is a woman and my mom she is a witch
I like this
My hell comes from inside, comes from inside myself
Why fight this
Everyone's afraid of their own lives
If you could be anything you want
I bet you'd be disappointed, am I right?

Nov. 26th, 2006


love is the voice under all silences, the hope which has no opposite in fear; the strength so strong mere force is feebleness; the truth more first than sun more last than star

-e.e. cummings

Jul. 4th, 2006

Fireworks and Explosions

I keep hearing a voice inside of my head that says, "Time of your life kid," and some amazing instrumental music is playing softly.
And I imagine for a second that I can't come down. That it could be like this forever, but I wonder how long it all lasts, really.
A memory can last forever as long as you remember it. Where does it go when you forget? Is it placed with dreams and summer nights? For every lightning bug that glows, a memory returned?
Fourth of July is probably my favorite holiday. I always say Christmas is, but to be honest here, I dislike the whole gift giving thing--the look on people's faces or the look on mine.
Fourth of July is not phony. Things blow up and shine and die out as soon as they are lit. Our country's birthday is celebrated by bright lights and shiny faces. There's something romantic about the eerie glow of fireworks, the arrangement of beauty in the sky, and the explosion of excitement that make me feel WHOLE.
Does that make sense?
I still have that childlike wonder when I look at fireworks. I still look with the same eyes. I still smile. I still remember.
Happy 4th guys and gals.
Don't forget to remember.

Jan. 13th, 2006

(no subject)


Aug. 29th, 2005

It's all for the best because it is.

Alive. Exhausted. Wash. Rinse. Repeat. Oddly happy right now. Xerox machines are evil.

I am in love with Imogen Heap's song, "Hide and Seek." Repeat. Repeat. Repeat.

I drove home and put on my sunglasses. The sun was coming down, and with that so were the people. Small city traffic makes me laugh like a clever person with a grin who saw something no one else did. I caught the end of Mall Rats and laughed. For the first time, in a long time, I wasn't worried about the future. I was truly happy and it wasn't brought on by alcohol or a boy or any other thing. I was just...happy to be alive, breathing, smiling...being.

Aug. 6th, 2005

For Burns

Tonight, I bled (my face is actually bleeding). I died tonight.

The police came (three squad cars to be exact), one of the neighbors called, but all I've said was everything I've ever said before, "Truth."

I guess it separates friends. I guess it breaks people apart.

I cried for you. I hope you know that much. I hope you find what you're looking for. I really do.

Jul. 13th, 2005

Dog biscuits

And although the situation in this particular song has nothing to do with what my problem is, it spoke to me regardless. I swear to you music is the only thing that makes sense to me sometimes.

Fucking Taking Back Sunday's Number Five with a Bullet is what did it for me today. And I know there's a lot of people who probably can't stand them, but hey, I don't need to justify what I like.

I'm sick...I have some kind of cold that has knocked me on my ass. It hurts to breathe. It hurts to do anything. I have been doped up on medication, these little boxes that claim they have the cure inside, but probably do more harm than good. I try to stick it out and take them when I need to function. I have strange dreams about people I haven't thought about in years. I wake up and I stare at the fan on the ceiling.

Alex called me to ask for a favor. She didn't mention the voice message I sent her about Saturday night. Fuck, why should she? Right? We're not good friends anymore, but please explain to me why I even bother trying? I must be one huge sucker:

"Sarah, can you go to my dad's house to let Chevy out?"

Chevy is her million year old boxer whose bladder probably fell out 2 hours ago, while Alex was at work. I am almost certain this dog will croak any second.

I told myself I was going to do this for Chevy and not for Alex. My heart bleeds for animals, let alone old ones who hobble along.

Alex's dad lives in Chicago, and it would take me about 15 minutes to get there. It's really not a big deal, but it is a big deal because the more and more I get older, the more and more I hate Alex.

Now, any normal person would ask how I have the key to her dad's house. Good question, but you see, Alex's family are a bunch of wankers, and their back door is kept unlocked daily.

Yes! In Chicago!

I consider it possibly to be one of the dumbest things I have ever heard.

As soon as I get there, Chevy stares at me and runs out the door. He does his business and comes back sniffing and grunting and crying.

I give him a dog biscuit and play with him for awhile. Chevy remembers me, at least I think he does, we rarely see each other anymore.

I open up their fridge and take a Diet Pepsi because I figured I deserved it. I really wanted to take a bat to their 50 inch television screen, liquor bottles, crystal picture frames, and then go find Alex's room downstairs and fuck it up too but I didn't.

I petted Chevy and gave him another treat, told him to be a good boy, and I was off on my merry way...

that's when Taking Back Sunday came into play,

Number Five with a Bullet.

At 63rd street I started crying and continued to do so until 65th and Harlem. At 65th and Harlem, I screamed on top of my lungs. It was so powerful I scared myself. I wondered how something that tremendous came out of me.

I'm tired of people, and I'm even more tired that I let them do this to me.

I felt better for awhile but got stuck in traffic and gave up.

Jul. 1st, 2005

(no subject)

I am The Hierophant

The Hierophant often represents learning with experts or knowledgeable teachers. This card also stands for institutions and their values. The Hierophant is a symbol of the need to conform to rules or fixed situations. His appearance in a reading can show that you are struggling with a force that is not innovative, free-spirited or individual. Groups can be enriching or stifling, depending on circumstances. Sometimes we need to follow a program or embrace tradition, other times, we need to trust ourselves.

For a full description of your card and other goodies, please visit LearnTarot.com

What tarot card are you? Enter your birthdate.

Month: Day: Year:

Mmmm...a little too fitting!

May. 18th, 2005

Murder By Death - "Canyon Inn Room 16"

Your hourglass shape in the light
half covered in cloth
the rest untouched
thinking I don't feel like
being a sentimentalist today
and whispering wake up, wake up
the rain is slowing
touching a hand to a head
the static of the radio humming
someone humming something pretty
off where the antenna
just can't reach.

This song is amazing. I played it over and over and over...

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